Ulrich Schnauss - Monday Paracetamol

Essay One

When I was young, my mother would often tell me stories of her life as a professional dancer in Spain. It had been an arduous journey at best - one filled with loneliness, heartache, disappointment and poverty. But among those moments of despair were triumphs, so swift and severe, that they were enough to keep my mother in Madrid for 16 years. Even today, at 64-years-old, my mother can look back at her career and see how she alone was the driving force behind what would become an exceptionally beautiful life, accentuated by the pain that goaded her to action.

And at 24-years-old, it is that understanding of myself and my path that I seek. Growing up in a military family, I wanted nothing more than to find a place to plant a widespread set of roots and let myself fall into the monotonous and comfortable routine that only a native could appreciate. And I thought the bay area was that place. I had graduated from college here, become familiar with her twisting veins of inner city, come to fall in love with her rolling hills carpeted in tulle fog, only to realize that my life had become just that: monotonous and comfortable.

Today, at this moment, I turn the stone that is myself over in my palm. If I look closely, I can see the rivets of where change has come, left its mark, and evaporated only to resurface at a later time and date. And although I am proud of where I've come in my life, I'm ready to see where it is I will take myself. Will it be a life that held purpose? That allowed me to grow to my fullest potential, in all aspects? Will I have exhausted all opportunities given to me so I may continue to turn that stone and read the story of an incredible woman? It will, and I believe the Peace Corps can help me achieve this.

As a Corps member, I know that I can once again begin my search for that desire and passion my mother only obtained after enduring an onslaught of difficulties. I would embrace my 27 month commitment and the Peace Corps' 10 expectations as the vessel that will carry me through my transformation. And although it will be incomprehensible at this moment to leave what I have built for the last two years, it will be exactly what I need: the chance to have lived once and lived to the fullest. It will let me commit to improving the quality of my life by improving those of the world, it will allow me to break in the face of hardship and find within myself the strength to continue on, it will grant me the tools to build a successful and sustainable self in the midst of my host community and culture, it well give me pride, and it will forever stay with me as what was, single handedly, the most influential 27 months of my existence to date.